The Mighty Have Fallen
by Popeland
Summary: Dumah. Killed by an army of Humans? Now that's not fairly likely is it? So now for the first time in history the true story is revealed


Popeland: I return once more. In a blaze of mediocrity.  
Fear it.  
Anyways, this is just a once off LoK short I just wrote I need to start writing again and this seemed like fun. It's probably all madly spaced but I can't get the hang of this new high tech upload thing. In my day you just pressed a button! None of this editing lark!

Disclaimer- I do not own Legacy of Kain. But what's even more shocking is Kain doesn't own Legacy of Kain. Eidos do Conspiracy?

He was known to his kind as the King of the Frozen Wastes. An Armoured Goliath, a Warrior lord, the closest thing to a God. His brethren were twisted parodies, but he was the personification of power.

And control. Other clans were disorganised but his kin were disciplined and efficient They worked hard

And they played hard

"Everybody dance now!" the speakers blared in the throne room

Several Dumahaim swayed rhythmlessly while some of the more impressionable fledglings clutched their ears and died from the noise

Dumah himself was at the decks. Simultaneously mixing it up and keeping it real. Turel stood in the corner of the room nursing a bottle of bloodweisar

Turel always got an invite to Dumah's shindigs because he always let Dumah use the lighthouse as a spotlight. He never knew why he came to these things. He didn't know anyone there. He tried some of the dips but sour cream and blood disagreed with him so he just ended up dropping the Nacho on the ground when no one was looking

He sighed tiredly and looked around the room. He had already tried his suave moves on the ladies. But unfortunately none of them wanted a guided tour of is "lighthouse". In fact the only person who expressed any interest was Trevor the electrician and that was a conversation Turel quickly distanced himself from.

He looked over at Dumah who had left the decks and was now displaying his legendary dance moves to the sound of "Relax" by Faustus goes to Hollywood.Several women swooned after a seamless transfer from the moonwalk to the all time classic, the "Airplane"

Suddenly there was a thunderous crash from outside the throne room. The enormous bolted doors of the throne room shuddered. The music stopped and the assembled vampires froze. There was another horrendous crash and the doors swung open

A troupe of vampire armed with lengths of hose pipe and one with a hand pump for getting the water from the lake of the dead to the throne room stormed in

"Vampire! I have come to challenge you for our title!" bellowed their leader

Dumah drew himself up to full height and bellowed back "No mortal shall ever be King of the Northern Wastes"

"No, no, not that title" replied the vampire hunter "Oh right" mumbled Dumah "Well no mortal shall ever be the Armoured Goliath"

"No, not that one either"

"Warrior lord?" "Nope"

"The greatest of all vampires"

"Hey, that's my one!" interrupted Turel "It is not! I won that last year at the Dark God appreciation night at the sanctuary of the clans"

"There was no Dark God appreciation night last year!" said Turel "Oh well, perhaps you weren't told..." said Dumah haughtily

"Hello? I think we're losing sight of the matter at hand here." said the Vampire hunter waving the hose pipe in the air

"Oh yes quite... why are you here again?" inquired Dumah

"To challenge you for your title..." Said the Vampire Hunter and then he paused dramatically "As limbo king of Nosgoth"

There was a shocked silence. No one had challenged Dumah to a limbo contest since Harry the Horizontal Hylden back in the Demon Dimension Duels of 82

"You think... You can best me!" said Dumah incredulously

"I know I can!" replied the Vampire Hunter confidently

Dumah erupted into laughter and his clan quickly joined in. Turel never knew about his younger brother limbo prowess but then again it was a closely guarded secret that Turel was Dark Eden break dancing champion for 5 years running

The limbo poles were brought out and set up. A young Dumahaim started to play a tense slow tune on a set of steel drums to set the tone

"I think we can forgo the formalities" said Dumah as the limbo pole was lowered to 2 feet high

There was a gasp from the crowd

"Care to go first?" asked Dumah smugly "No problem"

The vampire hunter strode forward. He stared at the pole and cracked his neck. Many vampire winced as he bent backwards at an impossible angle and then shuffled forward He got under the pole with room to spare Dumah was unfazed. Without even looking at the vampire hunter he walked towards the pole

And that was when it all fell apart

Dumah's foot landed on a wayward heavily dipped Nacho which someone had thoughtlessly dropped on the floor. He slid forward and fell heavily on the limbo poles. Dumah was skewered upon the poles and he screamed a blood curdling scream. He managed to get back to his feet but he could do no more. He stumbled around for a few moments and then collapsed onto his throne. Everyone in the room stared at the impaled Duamh in horror

Well... nearly everyone

"Ahahah! I won!" Shouted the vampire hunter jovially

The Dumahaim turned around slowly and glared at him

"errr... boss, I think you should kinda quieten down a bit" said one of the other vampire hunters nervously

"Why should I! I won! What are these losers going to do huh? In your face vampires"  
He began to make faces at them.

A few moments his brain did some math.

Dead vampire chief + celebrating vampire hunter + pissed off clan why the hell haven't I started running yet?

"Er... cover me guys!" he muttered before he turned around and legged it

"What! You were supposed to tell me at least five minutes in advance! I need to pump this damn thing!" Whined the hand pump holding vampire hunter

The Dumahaim roared and charged at the vampire hunters The throne room was empty of all Dumahaim in a few seconds leaving only the impaled Dumah and Turel

Turel looked guiltily at the crushed Nacho. He shrugged it off

"I'm sure the World's Greatest Vampire would have noticed it..." he said sourly

And then Turel picked up a six pack of Bloodweisar and ,as he tended to do, he vanished without a trace

Popeland: Ah that Turel, he wasn't even really nessecary but you gotta have Turel.  
Where would we be if we didn't have Turel?  
Well... SR1 I guess.  
...yeah, well he still rocks!  
Review and/or Die!


End file.
